Dragon Age High School
by Reenava
Summary: This is a fun sotry abowt a high school in Thedas, where dragon age is totes set. Follow the adventures of Elissalarabelanna Cousland and her friends Zevran, Isabela, Morrigan and othar friends! yay! Read this exciting story about stopping the blight! Just a fun sotry so don't get too offended if some things are different to cannon
1. Slaying a dragon becos im amazing

I am totally Elissalarabelanna Cousland, the totes beautifullest gurl in Fereldan. I totally saw my totes dad. He wos wif him bestie, Arl howe.

"Hey totes Arl Howl, sup?"

"not mutch. Hey my totes sun wants yur kik detales."

"I am so totally not givin him my kik detales!" I stormed off, then my dad went 'wait I am goin away."

"Omg where? Why aren't I invited?"

"im goen to fite demins!"

"Oh no lol.""yeah can you look after the cassel wile im gorn?" im so totally rich that I liv in a cassel.

"Ugh, I guess so," I sed angerly even tho I wos secritly happy.

Then a totes guy came in. "This am Duncan, hes a grey worden."  
"Whats dat?"

"a guy who kills darksporn." The darkspown were the toteally eval guys. They maked the totes blight, which killt everything.

"hi, ur totes cute," I sed, hitting on him because I totally hit on everyone. Then I wented away and fownd my dog, he was eating the cook so I yelled at him, he totally whimpered. Then we found my mum.

"Hi mum,"

I saw my best friend totally Dairren with her. "Hey totes bestie!" then I went to say goodbye to my brother, he wos going away too.

* * *

I totally woke up in the middle of the night, my dog his name was Punksi he was barking.

"Shut totes up," I grumbelled sleeply.

Sudden totes ppl wif swords burst in, rdy to kill me and Punksi! Oh totes no, I totally stabbed them with a sword I found in my pocket and then ran outside and found my totes parents, they were wif Duncan.

"Elissalarabelanna, ur going to Grey Warden High."

"NOOOOOOOOOO"

* * *

It wos my first day at dragon age high. I looked around for people. I saw a cute guy, I said hi and giggled. "Hi, im totes Hawke."

"Omg you're cute," I said, clicking on the totes love heart icon to flirt.

"Sorry im taken by Merrillierambeirna." He totes said. There was a totally elf nex to him with black hair and big green eyes. And tattotos.

"wait, I thought I was ur bf," came up to us a blonde guy cold Anders, his eyes glow eval spirit.

"I thought I was!" a totally beautiful gurl wif massive tatas and dark skin said. Her name was Isabela, she was a pirate

"I thort I wos ur lover!" It was totes Fenris, an elf wif white hair and glowin tattoos that were evan coolar than totes merril's.

"Oh no," sed totes Hawke. "Oh totes maker!" he ran away, him many bfs and hfs followed angerly wif nives, swords and staves.

I totes shurrged and went up to totes CUTER GUY OMG. He had the cutest blodne haar and brown eyes like a choloclate falvour ice cream. I love iceamcrwm but I like rainbow falver best.

"Hi, I totes iggled."

He was totes busy argue with a mage and dident notice me tho. I was upset, I nearly cried then he saw me. He nearly fainted becos I was so beautiful.

"Hi lol, im Elissalarabelanna. Wats ur totally name?"

"Im totes Alistair lol," he sed.

"Ur totes cute,"

"Omg thx," he blussehed.

* * *

It wos time for my first class, relgieins it was abowt the Maker. The Maker made us all then he dident like us becos someon1 killt him totes crush Andrasteleraliembarina. They burnt her at the stake. Sge ded.

Our teacher wos totes Chanter Devons. "The Maker maked us!" he cud only say the chant becos he was a chanter.

I looked arownd at my classmaytes, they were a gurl wif a skimpy top called Morrigan. "Morrigan ur totes dress coded," sed the princiaple, Divine Justinia. Morrigan went 'double u tee eff. I hate the Maker im an apostate." She turned into a cat. An apostitet is a totes illegal mage.

I looked at the other ppl in my totes class. I saw an elf wif a Spanish accent called Zevran. Actually maybe it was an Italian acent I cudent tell, wait it was Antivan becos obviously Spain and itiely don't eggsist in Thedas lol! He had a dagger becos he was a totes assassin.

I saw a next prsn, it was a totes cute gurl called Leliana she wos from Orlais. She was so cute omg. She was a bard so she started singing Leliana's song, her favrit song which wos named after her.

Then there wos a totes tough lookin guy called Sten, I avoidexdh im he looked scare.

AND OMG ALISTARI WOS IN THE CLASS YAY

Omg and I cud see a short guy, he wos a dwarf and he had cum to class drunk becos hes an alcohol. He wos sad becos him totes gf Branka left him for anuther gurl becos he wos totes ugel.

The other prsn in our class wos a golemn called Shale. She wos weird and was drawin a picter of a pigeon being killed. Cree-py.

I was totes taking notes, lol jk I don't pay arttenshun at skewl becos im too kewl for that. I was totes drawing a pic of alitstre becos I like drawing nad he cute. Sudden A TOTES DRAGON APPEAR – IT WOS THE ARCHDEMON! HE WOS THE LEEDER OF THE DARKSPROSN HE WOS EVAL. I quickly grabbed my sword, im a warrior. Morrigan turned into a spider so she cud bite the archdemon and evry1 got reddy to kill the eval ARCHDENIM!

* * *

Hi guys dragon age is one of my favrit games, so I thort id make a fanfic abowt it. Tjis chapter was maninly just introcudcedeing characters, but next chapper I will have lots of action. Im gonna mainly follow the storyline of dragon age 1 but wif sum characters from dragon age 2 and 3 like hwake and the inkqiwster who you will meet next cgarer! And cullen evan tho im teem Jacob, LOL JK not tha tcullne.


	2. Saving all the mages because I am amazin

"Oh totes kay" I totally said. "We need sum tactics to defeet the dragon!" I went into the tactics menu and totally made sum tactics. It wos time to fite!

Uh totes oh, Chanter Devons got burnt to death! He wos a pile of ash on the floor. Oh totes well lol. Morrigan was sending spells at the archdemon, she was totes badass. Suddenly a totes old lady called Wynne came in, she was frenderly. She saw Alistair wos totes dying so she quickly cast a healin spell on he. Zevran totes stabbied the richdemon and Leliana shot it with her bow (the weppon not like a bow tie lol) and arrows. Alistair used him templar abilities to stab it wif his sword, and Sten smashed it in the skull with a big sword the size of a sword.

"Whatrs going on" asked Oghren, he was too totes drunk to see. "Omg, is this a party?" Oghren did him totes dance moves with his axe, they weren't very good because he was totes drunk. He stabbed the archdemon in the eye and it went ouch, but in ancient Tevinter langeg.

"Muhahahahahahaha" the totes archdemon disappeared!

Everyone cheered except Oghren because too drunk, we all danced happy.

Sudden a totes gurl appeared at the door, she had a green hand. "I'm totes sorry, I got lost, did I miss anything?" she arksed.

"No," I totes said.

"Ok good. I'm totes Inquisitorabreannalinna Levallanananaa," she totes said, she was an elf.

"that's kewl. Im Elissalarabelanna Cousland. Im very important, im a member of the Cousland family, we're totes important. We're second only to the Theirin family who are the royal family." I saw Alistair looked uncomfrteble for some reason when I mentioned the Theirins, idk why tho.

"Where is the teacher?"

"There he is," I pointed at the pile of ashes on the ground.

"that's a pile of ashes."

"yeah he got burnt to death lol"

"I will be teacher," said Wynne the old lady. "Ok today we're gonna learn about the Circle of Magi. Everyone went insane and there are lots of abominations so someone should go and rescue them before the templars kill them all!"

Oh em totes maker. I had to go and save them. I picked three people to come with me, Alistair, Morrigan and my dog Punski.

We totes arrived at the totally tower of Magi.

"I'm totally Knight COmmande3r Gregoir," said an ugly old man.

"Go a-totes-way, ur ugelly," I totes said, ps\ushing past him and going through the door, it was time to rescue the mages. I totally saw a scary DEMON I hid behind Alistair, he was the tank. My mabari Punksi killed all the demons with his teeth. Thank dog, I said, laughing at my pun, like thank god but backwards is dog and a dog rescued me lol. Wait, thank maker I forgot im in thedas.

Sudden I arrived in a room with some mages in it. I saw an old lady who I'd never seen b4, she had white hair and looked frenderly.

"Hi, I'm Wynne, I'll help you kill the demuns," she totes said. "Thanks I said."

I replaced Morrigan with Wynne becos she woudnt totes shut up about how she was better than circle mages becos she wos a totes apostotate, which are mmages who aren't part of the circle.

I totally arrived at a wardrobe, which is like a drobe that goes to war, and heard a voice. Oh totes em M (M for Maker) wardrobes carnt talk! Wait, maybe there waS Someone in it, I totes opened the door.

"Pls save me!" the totes guy ran away, I shurrged. Then I totally went into the next room and killed some blood mages, which are like emo mages who use blood to make magic. Then I totes wented into a room and saw a templar.

"Pls, you have to kill the mages, theyre all eval!" said the totes tempar

"Who are you?"

"Im totes Cullen,"

"Go away Im team Jacob," I left him to be tortured becos Im team Jacob and went intothe next room… there was a scary looking person! I was scared so I hid behind Wynne.

"That's totes Uldred. He's a mage who went eval." I went muhhahahahahaa because I was totally a sloth demon… plot twist! I made everyone go to the fade.

The fade is the most totes boring level in Dragon age origins. It takes ages and is confusing. No one likes it. The totes blurry textures were hurtin my precious eyes, which change colour depending on my mood – theyre blue when im happy, green wheen im jealous and red when im angry. Right now theyre grey becos im sad. I totes saw a mouse. I was scared of mice, so I hid behind… wait, there wos no1 here! I burst into tears and sat on the floor. Sudden the mouse came up to me. "I will teach you to turn into a mouse," he said nicely.

"Oh eh mgee, thanks!" ok now I could totes turn into a mice and go through mouse holes

Lets skip the rest of the fade and skip to defeating the sloth demon. The sloith demon was the evfal demon who sent us to the fade. His name was Sid like the sloth off ice age.

Awwww sloths are so cute," I tried to give him a cuddle but he turned into a demon made of fire and I got burnt. I cried, my designer grey warden armour got totes burnt! I wasent actually a grey warden yet, I hdent dun my joining. That's gonna happen next totally chaper. But I was still wearing the armour becos its totes fashionabele. I was scared of the demon so I hid behind Punski. He was a brave doge and he killt the demon. We were saved from the fade! Thank Andraste, she's the totes Maker's crush who got killed, she got burnt to death a bit like Chanter Devons.

I totes woke up, it felt like it had all bin a dream, but I newk better. I realised Uldred was about to stab me. I totes punched him in the face. He was about to kill me, I was scared, I hid behind a pillar and waited for Alistair, Wynne and Punski to kill Uldred.

* * *

I skiped down the totes stairs, there was totes Knight Commander Gregoir. "I saved the Circle Tower! We're totally free!" I cheered in happy and made a totally flower hat for myself.

When I got back to school I got a totally medal for being so brave. Then it was time for my joining…

* * *

Deer readers, thanks for read this second chapter. My stories are very good written with no spelling mistakes or conintuirty errors. Thanks.


	3. Doing my joining ritual because im amazi

It was time to collect the totally things I needed for my joining ritchuell. First we had to totally go into the woods and get darkspawn bloodd.

"Give me UR BLOOOOD!" I said aggressive.

"No," said them so I totally kilt them

I totally collected 3 vials for these totes annoying guys calle Daveth an Jory. Jory was rly ugelly and Daveth was creepy so I totes hated them. I was the prettiest, I have totally lonjg blonde hair.

I totally went back to camp with my things.

It was time for my joingin, that's when the grey wordens drink sum vodka mixed with fruit punch that makes them innmune to the totally taint, which is what darkpsawn have in their blood from using too much heroin. I was totally excited, but also nervus too because I herd you can die from it.

Totes Duncan, he was a rly cute grey warden, gave me the totally joining drink. I put it into a shot glass becos I wos totally cool. I drank it then passed out. When I woke up I was…. Dead

Jk no I wosent

I totally woke up, I cud see totally Duncan and Alistair (hes such a cutie omfg). there wos also this annoying grey warden called Stroud who no one liked becos he sent dick pics to everyone.

"are you totes ok?" asked Duncan.

"Yes, better than Daveth and Jory," I sed lookin at them, they were totally ded.

I got up and put on my new grey warden uniform. It looked so good, it was blue and silver stripey like a pencil with blue and silver stripes. I cudent beliv how hot I looked. I quickly styled my hair and did my makeup, it only took 2 hours. Then it was totally time for cllas. I totally went my class, I sat next to Alistair. I saw a totally redhead orlesian chic called Leliana totally looking ut as, she looked totes jelly. I was anger, Alistair was mine. I decided to g be mean to her because im rly mean.

"Leliana Alistair is mine."

"Nooooo I don't have a totes curhs on alisttair I have one on you!"

Omg I was so flattered. "Will you be my totes gf I asked?"

"YASSS!"

I went back to the table with Alistair and suddenly he said.

"Elissalarabelanna I love you will you be my totes gf?" then he gave me a rose. "It reminds m of you he said" omg he was so totes cute. I said yes even though Leliana was already my gf, but im popular so its alright for me to cheat.

Then I went down the corridt becos it was totes lunch, I missed most of class because I had spent it doing my totes makeup.

I saw Zevran.

"Elissalarabelanna ive bin meaning to ask you this for a long time but will you be my totes gf?" he said even tho we'd only known each other for like 2 days.

"Yes" I sed.

I totally went back to class, but the teacher turned into a darkspawn so me and Alistair had to kill him. I TOTALly sent a nude to totes Zevran becos im a totes bad gurl. I saw Leliana lookin over my shoulder.

"WTF ELISSALARABELANNA!? UR CHEETIN ON ME!" Shee was super mad. She stormed out, totally mad. I was yikes. Wait no Leliana I'm sorry 'I totally said' and ran after her in the totally nude, I had some nood mods.

"Wtf, Elissalarabelanna, that's against the school dress code," said totally Duncna.

I quickly equipped my grey warden armour and ran down the corridot classily. I had to find Leliana, I saw her red totally hair, it was the colour of a mandarine, my favourite froot.

"LELEIAIANANANA PLS FORGIVE ME!"

"Ok but you have to break up wif Zevran first."

"Do I have to break up with Alistair too?"

"Wut? Are you cheetin on me for him too?"

"Yes- I mean no of totally course not." I quickly hugged her and gve her Andraste's grace, her favourite flower, to get +10 approval points

I totally went back o my dorm, which had Morrigan, Isabela, Cassandra she was a weird girl with totally short hair and she was rly aggrissive, and totes Sera she was an elf, in it. I totally cudent find my hair brush, then I saw it on Sera's bedside table. She was notorious for steal things.

I went into the totes bathroom and saw Sera cutting her own hair, she did that to defy fashion. I however, had downloaded the best totally hair mods. I totlly burhsed my beautiful strawberry blonde hair out of my face. I looked at my totally turquipose eyes in the mirror, and how beautiful shape they were. My cute nose was cute, and I had a totally amazing jawline, except it wasent as good as Alsitai's. My lip s were cute and lip shaped. I was beauitufl, I had the most prettiest face.

"What are you doing Elissalarabellana?" asked Bethany, Hawke's sister who was totally in the cabin. She was rly pretty, she had black hair and a cute face, and her eyes were brown like my dog Punksi's fur. BUT SHE WASN'T AS CUTE AS ME!

I quickly checked my phone, there wwere 5 dick pics in my instagream direct message so I deleted them all, then suddenly my phone started ringing, I picked it up. It was Alistair.  
"Hi babez."

"Omg my totes uncle- I mean friend , Arl Eamon is totally sick so we have to go see whats wrong!"

I quickly I put my iphone 600 in my pocket and hopped on my designer horse which Horsemaster Dennet the sports teacher owned. But not anymore, I had stolen it, it was a Ferelden Ford, my fav type of car.

I drove the totally car towards Redcliffe and I saw Alistair there in his black Mercedes bend.

"Elissalarabella, theres something I have to totally tell you," he said, looking grim

* * *

Sorry I had to end the chapter there because my dog was having a nightmare and needed a cuddle. Stay tuna for the next chapter!


	4. Saving Redcliffe because I am amaz

What do you have tot totes tell me Alistair I asked except there were talking marks around what iw as totes sayin.

"I…. im SECRELTY THE PRINCE OF FERLEDEN!"

"umm, WUT?! U dident tell me you werea ttoes pricne? Are you like rich and stuff?"

"well yeah I used to lice in a castle then the totes Templars basketball team took me away but I hate beasketball so I joined the grey wardens to go to grey warden high and I like cheese and…"

"woahhh, you own a Mercedes bend! Im sooo totes dumpin my other bf, lelina and zevran to be with you."

"you donthave to- WAIT U CHEETAH O NME?"

"Umm.. maybe a lil. It's ok I will dupm them QUICKLY"

"Thanks Elissa.. oops I fogot your name."

"me too let me go and check what it was. Oh it was Elissalarabelanna."

"Oh yeah tthats totes right. Well im the totes prince."

"Ok your magesty."

"Nooo don't call me that."

"got any more secrets?"

"Umm well I'm secretly batamn, jk lol that doesn't even like exist in totes thedas. Oh yeah I like cheese and totes hairstyles." Sudden his hair justin bieber!

I gasped.

"Sorry that's a mod for my hair," his hair reverted back.

"Well we better go and see if totes Arl eamon is alright."

"oh yeah hes my uncle."

"cool you havea r ic hfamile. Wanna get marry?"

"No, I onlt met you like 2 days ago. This isn't Disney high school."

"Damn ok," I disapproved 2 points. "Let's go see him." But before we gort to the town of redcliffe, we interrupt by a person with bow. I wos totes sscared so I totally hid behind totes Alistair. He was the tank so he was like tough and stuff.

"Redcliffe under attack by ZOMBIES!" announced the dude.

"yikes, im scared of the undead," I thought of a horror film I saw once. It was coming to true! Yikes.

"You have to be brave," encouraged me wynne. She is old, wise and very grandma and stuff.

* * *

It was nite time so we totally stood at the bottom of the hill wif some totes knights who would help us distroy stuff, namely zombies. The zombies lumbering down the hill. I had met a totes cute guy called Bann Teagan before but he got kidnapped by Isolde. He wos rich so iwanted to totally go out with him but he wasent romancable :/

I was brave, I shot one zombie then hid behind Morrigan the whole time. Finally, we kill every undead! Everyone super happy, except Murdock, he was the mayor and he was totes dead. Oh well lol, not as bad as the time I lost my $200 dollar necklace. Besides if they were so sad the ycould just reload a saved game from earlier before he totally died lol. Oh wait, this is real and u carnt have saved games in real life sry lol.

I looked around for bann teahen but he no where to be found. YSOLDE KIDNAP BANN TEAGAN! I knew what we had t odo, a rescue mission. I fixed my hair because the undead make it frizzy with their bad smell aura, eww. We quicklied under the windmill and found a totes secret passage into the castel. It was kinda smelly which I didn't like because it drowned out the totes ncie smell of my, like, designer perfume.

We totally kilt all the undead in there until we come across a dungeon with someone in it. It… a dude name Jowan.

"Who totes are you?"

"Im an apostate. That's like a rogue mage. Anyway no one like me, they think I demon possess the arl son and cause the udned!" he bursed into tears. "I DID NO SUTCH FING!"

"it ok, we save you," I sed kidnly and release him.

"Umm that was kidna dumb," sed morrigan n disapproved, so did Alistair.

"well you guys are JRKS!" I run off and cry, and Jowan run off in other direction to escape form like templars who would totes catch him.

I hid in the cornor and cry, I saw blacksmith daughter so I told her to go back so her father dident get too depress. Then I crfying when sudden turn around and se.. A TOTES ZOMBIE! I yikesed. I was scare. I was terrify. I said the exact same thing 5 different ways before reacting. I realized what I had to do, I had to totally kill it all by myself! I totally got out a dagger N STABE HIM!

Alistair, Wynne and Morrigan found me. "Elissalarabelanna, don't run off, you could die and then we'd have to go back the last saved gaem which was ages ago, you need to totally save more often!"

"Don't tell me what to do," I saved anyway tho.

"No more drama," complained mroroagan. "Let's just go."

We asscended our way to the top of thje tower and end up in the toally castle. We could not toally believ what sight met our eyes when we got to the totally top…


	5. Unposessing a demon because im ama

Bann Teagan was totally dancing! He was doing a silly dance to the beat of toxic by Britney spears. It wasent even the dance to match the song!

"Bann Teagan whats wrong with you- AHG!" I saw his totally nephew who was possessed by ademon.

"We have to unpooses him," I totally realised.

"ok sure why not," said Morrigan sarcasm, she was always sarcasm.

"Someone would have to be sacrificed," said jowl, the mage he was an apostate so it wos kinda totes dumb for him to come up here.

"jowan what are you doing?!" I wondered aloauwd.

"I'm trying to set things right this is all my fawlt he burst into tears."

I tried to comfort him but Isolde said totes nobly "I will be the totes sacrifice."

"Isoelde you dotn have to, theres another option, we could go to the circle tower, it's a couple of days ride away but I fink we'll be fine."

She looked frighten. "Be as fast as totes possible!" she said she had an Orlesian accent. Loghain hated orlsesians he wos totes mean.

We rushed to the tower, we fast travelled which is totes fast. Then we ran into the tower, and begged the archmagi and knight commander for help. They gave it, yay I wos so totes happy. It wos good that id helped save the mages tower earlier, much to the anGER of Morrigan. She hated the tower and wanted them all to die! Which I thort wos totally a bit harsh considering she cudve easily mean one of them being a mage herself.

Then we went to school. We were in totes Orlesian class where we learnt to speak Orlesian. I knew that loghain defs didn't take this class lol. He wos old though, he was in senior year. I was only a sofamore.

I went into my totes dorm after class cos it was a totes boarding school like hogawarts. We weren't allowed to totally have pets, but I had my dog punksi here anyway. I saw my totes bf Alistair. "hey totes bf wanna go on a totally date?" I made my cute face. I had nice makeup around my brown eyes.

"No we have to save arl eamon's son cnnor remember?"

"oh yeah, I was so distracted by how totes cute you were that I forgot all totes about that."

he didn't look very impressed like I hoped he wud by my flirtaciousness, but what totes ever.

We drove to totally Redcliffe, I was in my fereldan ford car. We pulled into the fancy driveway of Alistari's rich uncles manshion. He was sooo totes rich. I love rich boys, not because im like trying to get money or anything it's because they all have ncie personalities.

"Alistair will you buy me a car becos ur rich?"

"but you already have a car. Besides I spent all my money on cheese already. I love cheese lol."

Ugh he was on about cheese again, but whatevs, id put up with it becos he wos sooo totes cute anyway :3

"Where is ur totes uncle?"

"hes DYING on his bed. But wait we have to totes free him son first from ddemonic posseosion."

We went into the room where connor wos totally sitting, possessed. He cackled in a deep unchildlike voice and muhahahahahahaha

Then his normal voice went what is going on.

"we need to send a mage in to stop him." Said jowan. I sent in morriganbecos im not a mage. An hour later she came out looking super annoyed.

"I hate doing errands for people. Im not a servent."

"ok Morrigan you keep being mean to me I don't want to be your firned anymore." To prove that I wasn't joking I showed her my phone, I was deleting her off facebook on it.

She gasped. "I'm leaving, good bye!"

She turnt into a totes bird and flew away. "well fine wahetever Morrigan."

I was abowt to storm off when all of a suddenly Isolde stopped me. "the only thing that can cure my totes hubby is the sacred ashes, the ashes of andraste."

"Cool I'll type that in on my gps."

But it didn't come up on my gps… because no one had seen the totes ashes in like 1000 years!

* * *

I was hanging out at the seaside town walking my dog punksi, when suddenly I saw a frightened looking totes guy. "Are you totes ok?"

"No!" he cried and then some guys came in and…. murdered him!


End file.
